I Wasn't Talking To You
by Overlord Rousdower
Summary: Let's get one thing straight... Iris is NOT totally sane. Ok? Let's get the next thing straight... She did not expect herself OR her friend, Mal, to get sucked into some wacky place called Middle Earth... or meet creepy things called elves... or an even creepier thing called 'Galadriel' or a really boring things called 'Celeborn' or a really snobby thing called 'Haldir'. Haldir/OC?
1. Chapter 1

"I'm not kidding, you need to go see a psychiatrist."

"Uh… nope."

"Iris, you're hearing _voices_."

Iris rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I _like_ my voices Mal," she snipped.

Mal stared at her. "Iris… You talk to them."

Iris matched her stare and said evenly, "Yeeeeees… and your point is?"

"Well… there's something… wrong…"

Iris's eyes widened. "Are _you_ insinuating that I have a mental problem?"

Mal nodded slowly, warily eying her friend. Her and Iris had been friends for several years, since the third year of college actually, and as much as she loved Iris, Mal couldn't help but think that maybe she needed to be admitted to an… institution. How couldn't she think that? A year and a half ago, Iris had started muttering to herself; not too much, but enough to cause worry. Finally, Mal had asked her about it and Iris had mentioned 'voices'. That had seriously freaked Mal out, and ever since then, she had been trying to suggest the idea of therapy. Unfortunately, Iris seemed rather attached to her voices…

Iris giggled. "Well, you're probably right… But I don't really care."

Mal almost felt like crying. "Iris," she plead. "Please…"

Iris seemed to realize that Mal was really and truly upset about this. Walking around the island, she wrapped her friend in a hug. "Don't worry Mals… I'm not crazy." She pulled away with a reassuring smile. Her face twisted into a scowl and she moved her head to the left. "I didn't ask you."

Mal sighed in defeat. There really was no convincing her…

"Well, we should probably go to bed," Iris sighed. "Getting up early and all… Aren't you excited!" she squeaked, quickly followed by, "Again… I didn't ask you!"

oOo

Iris finished brushing out her light brown hair, and stared judgmentally at her hairbrush. Tomorrow was going to be a long day, so she should probably just go to sleep… but then again, there was that cliff hanger…

Iris hummed to herself as she picked up the book by her bed. Poor Mal… why couldn't she understand that her voices were friendly?

**_Because she isn't you, duh._**

Iris rolled her eyes. "Of course she isn't me."

_Remember that one time we tried explaining?_

**_Yes…_**

_"_Well, there you go!" Iris snapped. "She doesn't get it! It's not her fault either, voices are usually a bad sign."

_How are we any different?_

**_Hey, don't give her any ideas!_**

Iris thought for a moment. "I really… ugh. I just know that you aren't bad!"

_Whatever you say…_

Iris shook her head and switched off her lamp. "Ok you two, shut it, I need to sleep."

**_Nighty night._**

_Good night._

Iris woke briefly during the night, to a feeling of searing heat, and blinding pain wrapped around her, before she blacked out completely.

**A/N: Ok. There is something very wrong with me… I CAN'T STOP THEM. THE PLOT BUNNIES. AAAAACK..**

**Anywho… this is the prologue and this shall turn out as Haldir/OC (maybe, I am fickle minded) oh oh oh and and… mind blank… oh yeah! This may or may no have a plot other than annoy the ^&amp;*) out of Haldir… Yeah. It should but it may not… I don't know why I'm writing this… I was just sitting and thinking of what person would annoy Haldir and was like 'BINGO'… Haldir is by no means my fav elf… but he is so fun to toy with so… ;)**

**Anyways… The italic and bold italic are voice in her head (if you didn't catch that). I was inspired by Deadpool :3 **

**And Wunderkind, I know you don't like Haldir, so don't read this just because I wrote it lolol. **

**I may not update all that often, just a warning… **

**Rousdower out_ (apologies for the AN that is as long as the prologue…)**


	2. Chapter 2

_Wake up!_

**_Wakey wakey… Somethings up…_**

Iris groaned as she rolled over. "Guys…" she muttered. "Go 'way"

"Iris!" Somebody began to vigorously shake her, and Iris growled. "No… 'm sleepin'"

"Iris, something's wrong! We… we… we're in the middle of a forest, and…" Iris now recognized the voice as Mal's, soon after, the words sunk in. Shooting into a sitting position, Iris vigorously rubbed her eyes.

**_Wow…_**

_Oh dear._

"Whaaaaaa-" Iris stared around her, eyes bugging out. "Why… why… why… _Where_?!" she sputtered. Mal looked like she was in shock as she weakly shook her head.

"I don't know Iris…"

_It's beautiful…_

**_Heck yeah… these trees are so big that if you hugged one… your arms wouldn't fit!_**

_…__Where are we anyways?_

"How am I supposed to know!" Iris snapped. Mal stared at her, before realization dawned and she quickly looked away.

"Wherever we are, we need to get out," Mal said.

**_No, DUH._**

"Hey. Knock it off." Luckily Iris remembered to keep her voice down, and didn't receive another glare from her friend.

**_Her glares are pretty scary…_**

_Be nice._

**_Hey… you be nice._**

_You be nice._

**You****_ be nice._**

"SHUT UP!" Iris hollered.

"_Daro!"_

Mal screamed and Iris froze. In front of them, was a…

**_It's a chick… with a bow…_**

_I don't think that's a woman…_

**_OMG it's a dude!_**

_With a bow…_

**_A big bow._**

"Uh… What?" Iris said. She gaped at the man in front of them. He was very tall, at the very least six foot, and had a very finely cut face, high cheekbones, arching eyebrows etc. He was also very _blonde_. _And_ he had a large, scary bow pointed in their faces.

"Lle ya?" the strange man said, pointing the bow and arrow in her face.

"Uh… no comprendo…"

"Iris… look at his ears…"

**_They're pointed! OMG!_**

_Will you stop with the 'OMG'ing please?_

**_Grrrr…_** **_But seriously… a dude, that looks kinda like a chick, with a bow and pointed ears?_**

_It is rather strange…_

**_It's freaky! GET REAL._**

"Lle quen i'lambe tel' Eldalie?" the strange man said as he wiggled the bow slightly… though it sounded more like a question.

Iris slowly raised her hands up and said, "Okay… I don't know who you are-"

**_I do! He's some cosplaying loony!_**

_Shut up. She's trying get us out of this mess._

**_Us?_**

_Shut up!_

"Stop it guys," Iris hissed, before continuing; "I don't know who you are, or where _we_ are, but if you could cut with the wackiness and give us some directions, that'd be great… thanks?"

The weird blonde man looked her up and down, before shifting his gaze over to Mal, who received the same scrutiny.

**_Is he checking you out?_**

_What is your problem?_

**_I'm bored!_**

_We wake up in a strange unknown place and you are _bored?!

**_…_**

**_Yes._**

_Ugh!_

"Lle auta yeste'" he finally said, before gesturing with his bow towards a tree. Iris and Mal shared a glance before staring at the tree with obvious confusion written over their faces. The man rolled his eyes and moved behind them.

_I think he wants you to climb it…_

"Oh really?" Iris muttered sarcastically before throwing her hands up at finding the arrow practically in her face.

"Dina!" the man snapped.

"Okay, okay… Sheesh…" Iris muttered. Turning slightly to Mal, she attempted a reassuring 'We're gonna make it out alive' look.

**_Faaaaaiiiiil!_**

Mal didn't even look at her. Strangely enough, she looked like she had a really epic thought dawning on her. She turned to Iris, and there was undeniable excitement and fear in her eyes. Iris went to ask her what she was so excited about but her voices were very helpful in reminding her to stay quiet.

_I'd not say anything… don't want another arrow pointed at you._

**_Or worse.. in you. Heheheh…_**

_You're impossible!_

**_I know! Aren't I great!_**

Iris resisted the urge to groan, instead choosing to obediently climb up the ladder, which was made of a silvery-grey rope, and oddly soft to the touch. At the top, she found a not-to-large-yet-not-that-small wooden platform. It reminded her of a treehouse she had once had as a child. The view from the platform was mostly obscured by branches, but Iris was sure she could make out other platforms similar to it in some of the other trees, a few even connected by… ropes?

**_OMG. There's more of them… they ALL have blonde hair and… they all kinda look like chicks… what is UP with that?_**

_Have you no dignity?_

**_…_****_Nope._**

Mal came up beside Iris and muttered something very softly. Elves?

"Dina!" Mal was poked in the back by the strange man (elf?) and she shot a glower over her shoulder at him. He ignored this and began talking rapidly to the other men (elves?) that were on the platform. There were about four or five of them, and they were all dressed in grey tunics and cloaks. Large bows, identical to the girls' captor's were slung over their backs, and swords hung at their hips.

_It looks as if they are soldiers of some kind?_

**_Ninjas?_**

_Really? Ninjas? You amaze me…_

**_Thank you!_**

Iris wanted to scream, but she didn't, finding herself partial to staying alive.

_You know, what Mal said about elves makes sense don't you think?_

******_If these are elves, then Santa Claus must have raised his standards…_**

_Not that kind of elf!_

**_There are different kinds?_**

_Ugh._

Iris mulled over what her voices had said. Elves were certainly a possibility. From what Mal had told her, there were elves that were tall and graceful, their beauty a thing to behold. Of course, Iris had never believed her friend, not being one for fantasy.

**_So I'm guessing the final verdict is- weirdos cosplaying as elves?_**

_This seems too real._

**_Says the voice in the head._**

_Touche._

"Man esselya ná?" Another man (probably elf) had stepped forward. Unfortunately, Iris still had no clue as to what they were saying, and Mal obviously didn't either.

**_Unless she's messing with us._**

_Really? Get a grip!_

"SHUT IT!" Iris yelled. She couldn't stand it. Yeah yeah, she got along with her voices (_usually), _but this was just out of control.

She quickly realized that everyone was staring at her.

The second elf/man/person stepped forward and said sternly, "Tolo ar nin." Iris tuned out everything else he said, only recognizing what sounded like a few (albeit bizarre) names.

A couple seconds later, she found herself going back down the ladder, becoming increasingly irritated with whatever this was. Dream or reality.

**A/N. **

**Very Rough translations- **

**Daro- halt**

**Lle ya- Who are you?**

Lle quen i'lambe tel' Eldalie?- Do you speak elvish?

Lle auta yeste? - I think that meant 'I will follow**'**

**Dina- Silence.**

Man esselya ná?- What is your name?

Tolo ar nin- Come with me.

**Ok, so there is the second chapter, hopefully we shall see somebody familiar next chapter. I just now realized that Mal has the same name as the creepy lady from Inception and am now mentally beating myself for that…**

**Thank you to-**

**nienna14- **Thank you! I don't often see stories with voices in them, and got really inspired by Deadpool so I was like- Ok! VOICES! Yup. Anyways, thanks again! Glad to have caught your eye!

**Evangeline Pond**\- Hey! Thanks so much! I am so glad that you like this and are 'following it forever' lolol. Well, so far that is the plan! Thanks again!

**Wunderkind4006- **Lol, yes Wundy, your hatred of Celeborn is no secret. He shall be tormented as well! Hopefully you approve of this… O.O

**Guest- Yup. LOL thanks!**

**xSiriuslyPadfootx - **Thank you! I am glad you are so enthusiastic!

**Ok, so until a later date guysd! Bye!**

**Rousdower out_**


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